Tuesday July 6th

This blog is very important in the summer, because it lets me know what day it is. Only problem is, I update it before going to bed, so even though it's technically Tuesday, it's not Tuesday til I wake up at 8. (And then go back to bed until Jeopardy at 3:30.)

The comic:

Those legs are quite scary - why aren't his arms equally thin?

I always say the best part about being fat is the boobies. Because of medications, I've gained some weight over the last couple months (like fast enough to get tons of stretch marks) and yes, my boobs have grown.

Poor men, they don't have an acceptable place for fat. Except men get less guilt over being fat, so...

Also, it's cute that they call it a "diet" - we know it means that RhinoMan is starving because he's so poor.

And the gender change is... interesting. I guess they couldn't show a sad chicken or dog lady looking sadly at her deflated chest. Too risqué, I'd imagine.

You know, in this country, I think it costs more to lose weight on purpose than it does to gain it. Fat camps are expensive, diet food is expensive, and no one ever factors in the time - sometimes you don't have the time for the exercise or the counting of calories or of points. Or the money for weight watchers, because people who have lost weight say a support group helps a lot.

I read something interesting at the Fat Nutritionist (that I can't find right now) about why those ignorant poor, fat people buy fast food instead of healthy fruit. Fruit doesn't have a lot of calories. We need calories (aka food) to live. 10 bucks gets you more calories at McDonalds than it does at a fruit stand. That made a lot of sense to me when I read it, something just clicked.

Me? My doctors haven't told me to lose weight, so I'm doing my hardest not to care. I've got some comfy shorts, maybe I'll have to buy new pants in October or something (maybe my weight will have dropped 50 pounds by then - who knows with me), my pajamas fit (it's summer), and I walk when I can (heat, pain). Food? When I feel like shit, I eat what I want. Eating something grody (or dangerous - like broccoli) when I'm in excruciating pain... that's just inhumane, man.

Friday May 28th

The comic:

How would the cashier know if he tried them on or now?

And why would she care?

Men are so lucky - 44 inches is 44 inches no matter what the brand. A 12 isn't a 12 everywhere and neither is a Large.

I hate trying on clothes (I get overheated, and it's so fun to see this perfect dress that you thought was near your size show off your tits if it can get up there), so I try to get comfy clothes that are labeled with letters and assume I need a L or XL. For something new or fancy (not a t-shirt or basic tank), I'll try it on.

I got new shorts last week and tried them on over my shorts... and tennis shoes. They fit fine.

Also, I am envious of people - no matter what their size - who don't have fluctuating weight and know their sizes won't change from year to year... or week to week. That's why I stick with sweats/yoga pants/whatever.

Though last time I bought jeans, I only tried on the first pair in the size that worked, then bought others from the same brand, so the sizes would mean the same thing. And they fit wonderfully! However, jeans hurt whether they fit or not, so... elastic.

Bah. Men's clothes seem so easy, but they do have a minefield in what's "acceptable" at work - just what is business casual? But men don't have big boobs, a big waist, and a small butt. Or the reverse. Curves are a bitch to cover without looking like a hooker or wearing something way too big - and then there are height issues...

And I haven't even wandered into the world of suits and work clothes.

Oh, where were we? Male Pluggers are smug lucky jerks. (Pluggers are smug by default. Except RhinoMan.)

I'm surprised they didn't go for the stereotype of having the wife do the shopping - some men honestly don't know their sizes, because the women in their lives have always shopped for them.

Oh! I just remembered a funny (and humiliating) sequence from The Agony of Alice by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor.

Alice needs new jeans, and her older brother takes her shopping. He gets her many sizes and they don't fit, not even the smallest pair! She thinks she's a freak of nature, until a female sales associate tells them that she needs girls jeans.

So maybe we should do the shopping.

Does a long post make up for a... huh... only four days? It felt like a longer absence.

Saturday March 13th

The comic:

And he needs one. Even I know no "football shirts" - wait, why can't she say jersey? Though the bottom looks like a sweatshirt hem. Okay, that's officially too much thought.

But this neatly sums up "Pluggers" - a cheaper version of something fancy and elite, football, God, cheese, and a henpecked husband. (Why couldn't the wife be the chicken? They both wouldn't have fit in the frame the way he draws.)

And, as a godless killing machine, he is about to go all bear on her. Look at those eyes. He knows he can't go to church and will delay it like a petulant (1)4-year-old, because he doesn't want to burst into flame. "So... baseball shirts are okay?" He will drag out the lacrosse ones to avoid this!

Why is he so pissed? I haven't been since 2004, but even I know this, and if I were going, I'd be RESPECTFUL and dress nice. (It ticked me off to no end that my sister's graduation ceremonies were held in a church. People thought it was bad that my class didn't get to graduate near our town, but at least we didn't have to go to a mega-church. The valedictorian made up for it by praying at the end of his speech.)

Also, I wouldn't go to a church service. It's boring, I don't want to be there. I'm not married, maybe grown-ass adults in a legally binding contract for ADULTS have less rights than minors (who are old enough to stay at home by themselves).

No one's making you go, and seriously, you don't miss the football game. Most services are over by noon or one (we went to the 8 am one for reasons I'll never care about). I don't go for one major reason - it's boring and pulling out a book would probably be disrespectful, and as a Southern Young Lady, I should sit still and not draw and write in the little book provided for bored kids. I also don't believe in it, and making me go when I don't wanna certainly won't change my beliefs! It seems very personal, and if I must do something religion related, I'll watch Life of Brian. But if I have to get up and get out, I'll take the dog on a walk. I did that in 2006, so I didn't have to go to church (and it would have been "forced", even though I was a legal adult). Nature is a better sanctuary... unless there are bears!!!

Anyways, they do this every week and it's such a waste. Also, I appreciate that this was meant Saturday, so everyone could see it, because some people don't get the Sunday one.

Thursday March 11th

The comic:

So are they getting fatter or older? Either way, I don't see an attempt at either humor or heart-warming-ness. Why can't I get Plugger readers to comment and explain what the fucking fuck this comic is for. (Duck & Cover gets conservative trolls all the damn time.)

And the part left unsaid (but seen in Rhinoman's defeated expression) - they can't afford better fitting clothing.

Isn't it hilarious when your body changes and you can't afford to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe?

Aside from Rhinoman's expression - probably unintentional - this really illustrates how BAD an artist Brookins is. I can believe he was a political cartoonist, most of them are utter hacks who need tons of labels to let us know that horse shaped blob is in fact supposed to represent the GOP, while the one with the trunk is the Democratic party.

And then there's old political cartoons - talking 100 years old - such quality! Of course, the comics back then were much better drawn as well. I'm not a total crank - I do like some of today's comics. I want to buy all the Pearls Before Swine treasuries (I just bought the first one Sgt. Piggy's Lonely Hearts Club Comic and it includes notes from Pastis next to comics. "This is why I don't draw recliners."), all the FoxTrot books, Mutts is adorable, Get Fuzzy rocks. (I have many Far Side books, not enough Calvin and Hobbes and I think all of Bloom County.)

But my love of PBS shows I'm no art snob. I also like xkcd. It's all about knowing what you can do. I think Brookins, like Tinsley, thinks he can draw. Oh, he can draw better than I can, but he still sucks. Big time.

I often wonder why he chose to use animals. Maybe if I'm bored enough I'll e-mail him and ask. But I'll be respectful and not include a link here!

According to Wikipedia, it's in 60 papers, in prime Plugger places like the South (it's never been here and I don't remember seeing it when I read the comics in the Atlanta paper a billion years ago), Mid-West, Plains states, and the Rockies.

Who knows - if newspapers don't die out, it may be in more papers as the population ages and becomes more Pluggerfied.

Wednesday February 17th

The comic:


Ha ha, their names are like body parts, it's so funny! Don't you agree?

And damn they are lucky. Tricare sucks beyond all suckitude, but I have to suck it up because I have insurance. For the time being. God, I hate this country sometimes. If you're on vacation and get sick, depending on your insurer, you are SOL.

But because they're businesses, well it's okay not to insure me (even though, hypothetically, I have money) because I'd cost them money.

Yeah, I'm getting pretty damn socialist in my college years. Get over it, and start your own conservative blog mocking Pluggers.

Of course, part of it is total selfishness - not "I got mine Jack, screw you" but "I won't have mine, help me! and hey, help other people too."

Also, those calls are frustrating. Playing phone tag with nurses (never doctors!) is so much fun! The calls will say, "You have an appointment at this time, just a reminder!" or "Call us back." And by the time you do, they're gone. Or your doc is out of town for a week, well excuse the hell out of me for getting sick at a bad time for you, Dr Stupid. If you have a note on my file that only you can treat me, then you better be here!

Where was I?

Oh yeah, shut up Pluggers.

I may have sympathy if they're hounding you about bills, but that's just conjecture.

Of course, this could be bragging - "I'm friends with doctors/my kids are doctors/are married to doctors!"

Take your pick and leave me to fume and plot my escape.

Tuesday February 9th

The comic:


Ha ha, she's telling him where to go, but he's driving the car! HI-larious, everyone knows passengers - especially women! - should STFU or walk. Because the passenger never knows how to get there but the driver doesn't. I mean, I didn't tell my mom how to get somewhere just because I'd been there earlier and she hadn't, by gum, she was the driver, so we drove around Memphis for hours, lost, hopelessly lost. Also, my mom is a woman, so even with directions, she would have gotten us lost - lady drivers, amirite? Huh huh?

Why aren't you laughing?

It's funny, just like that super bowl ad that made fun of a man for being nice to his girlfriend!

Women don't watch TV, drive, or read comics. We just don't, we're too busy emasculating men or getting pregnant. At the same time.

I have a new laptop!!! And because the computer repair people backed up my stuff (and charged me 30 bucks) onto an external hard drive, I got all my goodies on my new computer. Now, off to play!

I mean, do my homework. That's why I had to buy a laptop today instead of just getting a new motherboard. Also, my computer had 2-3 horizontal lines on the screen, one missing key, one loose key, and one stuck key. (The keys can be blamed on the dog. At least the loose and missing ones.) And who knows what else. Now I've got the new Windows and I have yet to ruin this one. Give me time.

Thursday March 19th

The comic:


Okay, I don't remember my parents reading stories to me, though I'm sure they did. (I love reading, and have since a young age, and according to everything, they had to read to me or else I'd hate books. Or something.)

But oh!

I remember when I was in the ER because I needed a calcium IV to boost my calcium levels fast. My fingers and legs were a-tingle. I was 14 and a half. I asked my mom to read me a Stephen King short story. Yes, I knew how it ended. But the fun came from her reading it aloud to me. And the love. She's my mom.

I was like, "It gets more awesome!" but I didn't ruin the end of the story. Plus, the people on the other side of the story (one in genuine pain) started listening and that would have been rude.

I guess my point is, there's more to reading a story to your child than the story itself. Maybe part of your ritual is saying together "and they lived happily ever after." Parent, "Goodnight."

But the kid? Bah.


Doing this young sets up a lifetime of illiteracy. Somehow. But Good Eats is on. He's frying something. Toodles.

Wednesday February 18th

The comic:


I stayed up for this shit?

Oh well, I had fun reading some Bollywhat threads and thinking about how hot SRK is.

What?

What the fuck am I supposed to say?

That's what you get for marrying an actual cow and letting her lick your head? Or his mom is the cow, and she does that mom thing where they spit on their hand and then clean your face. (Never seen it in real life, but Pluggers aren't real either.)

I'm tired. The weather is crazy ass crazy. My Bollywood films aren't here yet. There's school in the morning. And hail. And bah. And this man makes more than I will ever make. Oh god, I just thought of the people behind Beetle Bailey. (I respect Jim Davis - there is some new life in Garfield, though screw the movies. I guess, I haven't seen them. Maybe they're lovely. They're all lovely people.)

I will move and it will hurt and then my alarm will go off and it will hurt and then that fucking speech god fucking required classes - I want a job that allows me to disappear down a hole for 8 hours a day, doing God knows what. I don't want to make presentations. "Great energy, but you need to calm down some more." If I calm down, I won't have the "great energy." At least she didn't take points off for my experiment, no matter how bad it went. (I think people would rather watch SRK and a female dancer (for the dewds) dance and sing for 5 minutes than listen to me talk, but no.)

Where was I.

Oh yes.

Post college is harder than this, and just like Marion's posted "We're better than you because we're COUNTRY!" list, people who don't go to college work harder than those who do. Ok, trade places.

My head hurts.


Well I hope this has been educational. This is the kind of person who thinks they can comment on Pluggers. I find it odd that this rambly nonsense comes after 3 tests and a speech, not during the stressed out week. Adrenaline's gone and I know I'll need it again to claw my way to Friday.

I get to see Slumdog Millionaire again on Friday! That's good.



And that Plugger should put on another pair of glasses, than his cowlick will consist of 2 hairs.

OR (I've been reading the BW caption thread too much)

"Your combover's not fooling anybody, Salman." No, not Salman. He goes shirtless too often, and oh, my eyes! Let's just drop the name.

"The combover ain't workin'."

Good night, I'll be here all week, delusion as always, try the veal, it squeals.

Saturday January 17th

The comic:


Is cast a word for some other word, god I'm dumb today. All I could think was "don't barf, don't barf" and then in my speech class we had to an ice-breaking exercise and I couldn't remember anything about the 2 people I was supposed to remember anything about. But other people? Oh, totally! Like this one guy is GOING TO THE FUCKING INAUGURATION.

And then in the next class, I was the only one who knew the three ethnic groups in Iraq. My stomach had settled down by then.

Pluggers have time to fish, but I wonder if they're purist douches who act like people with boats that don't leak are sellouts. Ok, I have no idea what the fishing world is like, I just know that fishing is quite boring, at least to me. I can't cast the damn things and hook your own damn worms, I'm going on a walk.

Monday January 12th

The comic:


There are in shape Pluggers? I don't think Brookins could even draw one, let alone think of one. (Yes, fat people can be in shape, but Pluggers don't think way.)

The gender change really matters to me this time. Uh, guys, our weight can change over the month for no reason other than hormones not a slice of pie last night. And, given the average age of Pluggers, I can only imagine that menopause is no kinder to the body.

But hey, they're fat! Hur, that's funny.

Also, god, he can't even draw his own creations right! What did he begin with, the head or the body? Has he never heard of an eraser? I'm just glad there are no grandchildren (you know they would be grandchildren) in the comic to fuck with my eyes today.

Pluggers are more out of shape than a corpse if their knees are buckling, I would imagine. Most weight gain is gradual. You don't put on a hundred pounds while prone and then stand up and crumple. Of course there can be damage done to your joints, I'm sure, but nothing akin to bucking knees... which is ... like arthritis? Fainting? I have no idea?

And I am fat, and I know this, but my belts always buckle. See, I get jeans that fit (and always end up a bit too big after a washing and wearing) and while I paid through the nose, they're quality. And I don't think $40 a pop is too cruel for even the most destitute Plugger, now is it?

There's always, sweats, though I imagine they suffer from Homer's problem: "He says the crotch wears out too fast." As McAllister said, "Yar!That's going to replace the whale in my nightmares."

Why torture yourselves, Pluggers? For the chance to see your oh so original and hilarious observation about life, along with your name, in the paper? To be published?


This is going to be an odd week. Normally, this would just say "You're [a] plugger..." but know we're dividing them up... this has happened before with gender and age and this won't be the end of it. I'm sure it will be followed by a fat "joke" that says "You're a plugger if you're fat" with no caveat about being out of shape.

Does Brookins realize people can also be out of shape and thin? Or "normal"? "Out of shape" comes in all sizes (not to mention shapes), idiot.

One last weird thing. This is the first week of school, right? This will be 4th semester here, and every semester has started on a Monday. The week before is the week the county schools go back, and week after contains a Monday holiday (Labor day in the fall, MLK day in spring).

So why am I posting this when I should be sleeping?

Classes don't start until Thursday! And I only found out at 8pm tonight. I was wondering why I hadn't seen or heard many people moving in this weekend, and now I have an answer. I am so glad I talked to some girl I'd never met (and then another to confirm it, before checking at the school's website), or I'd be sitting outside the classroom tomorrow morning for too damn long before heading on to the next one. I can only hope the person working the desk in the morning will be nice to tell anyone staggering around tomorrow morning at 8:30 that there are no classes today, you can go back to sleep dear.

Tuesday December 16th

The comic:



Ooh, gutsy.

I dare somebody who gets this in their paper to write in and complain about the implied bad language.

Ok, one, yes, he is asleep, but he cannot be comfortable. And his age (and mine, and I'm just 20), reclining is the least you can do for your back. Do Pluggers think comfort is a sin?

Also, I understand the tragedy of missing the ending of a movie, you just pop it in later and watch the rest. Right?

Oh, no, it just hit me. Pluggers watch movies they already have memorized so if they fall asleep, it won't be a big deal. That also explains why they never try anything new - they're afraid they'll fall asleep and miss part of it. Well guess what? Wednesday night, I slept through the first ten minutes of a new Daily Show. Through the miracle of reruns, I caught the segments on Comedy Central Thursday morning at nine AM. Magic!

Pluggers are lazy.

And they're not even good at it. You should see our recliner. Right now, it has our demon dog, Wickett, on it, and he's grouchy. He growls whenever I get off the uncomfortable (and I think broken) computer chair. Like to turn off the light. Or leave the room.

But when he's not there... damn, that thing is nice. And you can see the TV. Lazy, lazy, lazy days are encouraged in that damn things.

If you're going to be lazy and fall asleep watching TV, try to be comfy.

Why can't Pluggers ever have fun?

I mean, he's wearing formal pajamas (no sweatpants and t-shirt for him, no sir!), a robe, and slippers. Our heater is on the fritz, so I get the layers. But the formality? Where are the blankies?

I only saw this movie once, but his movie watching outfit reminds me of the dad in Dead Poet's Society, and how SPOILER ALERT the night his son kills himself, he takes his slippers off just so. The dad was played by Kurtwood Smith, who later played Red on That '70s Show.

And the chips.

The unopened chips.

On the ground.

Not comfortably within reach.

I'm beginning to think Brookins doesn't like Pluggers either, or he'd draw them happy more often.

Tuesday December 2nd

The comic:


I'm surprised he's not using a straight razor.

Is that what he's doing with his other hand? I'm not a guy, and I don't have any memories of my dad shaving. (He had (still has?) a mustache.) I have no idea.

The idea of a dog shaving, ow my head. My babies ran away today. My mom left the gate open today while bringing in firewood, and my sister doesn't do jack shit around the house unprompted, and my mom is stressed out, and she called me and damn, I'm just glad they're all back.

But what do you say? Mom feels like shit, she yells at Becky, Becky yells back, I just feel miserable and confused. At least I know I'm going home as soon as I can, instead of spending a few quiet days in the dorm with no homework to worry about after my last exam. Family needs me as a mediator and gate-closer/obsessive door-locker.

So.

Pluggers are old. But still young enough to be trusted with razors.

What? There isn't a lot to work with!

You know how Gocomics.com has a comments sections for each day's comic? I've read a few of the Plugger comments. Unlike the Dick Tracy ones, these are mostly posted by genuine fans. And the official Plugger website used to have a message board.

The main message from both these places is that this is not supposed to be funny, but it is supposed to be familiar. We are supposed to nod and say, "This is my life." It reminds me of the opening splash of MAD's parody of Mad About You where somebody says that instead of a laugh track, the show has a "how true, how true" track. (Or something to that effect. The book's at home.)

But Pluggers are both 80% of our population and old. And usually men. The too broad mission statement is what bugs me the most. "What, you don't live like this? Or, if the genders are wrong, know someone like this? What's wrong with you?" seems to be the underlying premise. Of course, I have this tag called "non-Pluggers suck," so this isn't a big surprise or anything. I just can't think of anything to say about the comic itself and felt that I'd been abandoning you guys lately with short posts. Plus, I went to bed at 9 last night, so I'm just being stupid and staying up late.

Wednesday November 26th

The comic:

Okay, so we read this short story in English this semester kinda about the same thing - using "heirlooms" vs. basically putting them in the museum.

I don't remember the title, I think Alice Walker wrote it ("heirloom" quilts play a big part), and I remember crying a lot, like a lot a lot. Like for an hour after class. The memory of crying is making me cry.

So Pluggers can get fucked. You're no better than me because you think you're more connected to your past than I am and that makes you a better person. Okay, maybe that's also coming from another book for school, Confederates in the Attic, and all the people in there that are like, yeah, having Confederate ancestors is the BEST!!!! Living in the same house my family's lived in since before the Civil War makes me a better person! Only leaving the town once or twice in my life does too.

Arrogant fuckers.

Thanksgiving tomorrow.

I'm sure the arrogance will be thicker than the cholesterol, if they don't ignore it completely.

I have a French test tomorrow, today, in 10 hours and about 3 minutes. I'm studying by listening to the French version of Colors of the Wind, before erasing that by falling asleep to some Bolly, Kolly, and Tollywood.

Night.

Monday November 24th

The comic:


I feel like shit, and I was going to do this at the more reasonable hour of midnight, but I felt even shittier. I decided all this insomnia should be good for something, so maybe I can at least check this off. Instead of the homework. And the Colbert Christmas special made me laugh, true, but too many songs for my taste and not enough shirtless Colbert.

Ok, I wrote that before I looked at the caption.

THE FUCKING FUCK IS THAT ABOUT? I mean, I "get it", I think. Doing grandmotherly things and/or getting things from grandmothers are rewards and that leads to awards, so hey, the Grammy... hmm...

Except this isn't right. The award should be given for an achievement, not just for being her favorite grandson. A test with a gold star, whatever.

Come on, do I have to do your job for you?

I realize the profanity is a bit much, but this is so meh and so botched and I feel so rotten and there are these bugs all over the room all weekend long driving me mad and argh.

Six more days of school left, and I have exams in only four of my classes. (3 day week this week, 3 day week next week.)

I can do this.

I can do this.

Do not bring up January, we are focusing on the next 2 weeks people!

Friday October 17th

The comic:


From RhinoMan to gender stereotypes! Gotta love Pluggers. I think the only theme has been reruns.

And of course this was sent in by a guy. From Texas. There are good people in Texas - my aunt and uncle, for one. But still. No surprises here.

He doesn't want visual peace and quiet, and that's weird. Peace and quiet is not the norm, it is something different, something private. The living room recliner may be comfy, but dude, you're in a public room.

I'm big on nature and the outdoors for peace and quiet, especially with a Bollywood soundtrack courtesy of my mp3 player. Those things are portable peace and quiet, you know?

And I am like the Plugger here. I create different noise, I cut off the outside world (to an extent).

Put never to escape a nagging spouse. 'Course, I'd be the nagging one, what with the gender and all, so I'll never get to experience his peace and quiet.

Also the newspaper? Dude. Come on. At least he's reading.

I feel for his wife. If she loves him, she'd be worried if he didn't respond and just did this without telling her first. ("Honey, I'm really stressed out. Can I have some peace and quiet?") But this is a Plugger marriage and that is crazy talk! One day, dude, she is going to take all the money and go to some Plugger paradise. (Boise.)

Saturday September 27th

The comic:

I hate chocolate ice cream.

Oh. I think I got it. Neopolitan is too fancy a word for these simple folk.

Pluggers like to eat. Pluggers in Tennessee like ice cream. Big surprise, though I most often crave ice cold water. But I ain't from Madison.

So tired, I can't think of anything about this because it's just stupid. And this week has been killer - 4 tests (though one classmate had like 5 or 6), and three of them were the first test in that class. I got my grade for my Tuesday test. I got a C. Hey, at least I passed, right?

And now my English teacher is proposing chucking everything on the syllabus for Infinite Jest and I signed up for this 5-week Saturday course that starts tomorrow (er, today) at 9am and damn I've been tired since 4pm! (If I do it and pass the test, I get extra credit in anthropology.) I'll just see how I feel in the morning - I know the difference between "but I don't wanna get up" tired and "holy hell my book makes a nice pillow oh wait I'm in the front row" tired.

So Monday night I was a bundle of nerves, Thursday night I went to the fair and saw Rick Springfield and refused to ride the Ring of Fire, and Friday night all that is catching up with me.
And all this week, I messed up one of my medications and the reaction came quickly and will leave slowly, with lots of pain along the way.

But at least I'm not a Plugger!


ETA: I did go to the class. I will be a Lay Health Adviser (Advisor? Whatever.) and learn about infant mortality.

I'll never understand my own body. I decided to go to sleep around 2:45. It took a long time to fall asleep, but when 8am beeped into my mind, I felt refreshed. Unfortunately, I didn't have anything to do between the time I woke up and 8:45. So I laid down and didn't set any alarms. Luckily, I woke up at 8:55. While I was late, I wasn't too late, nothing had started and nobody was mad. In fact, the speaker kept losing her train of thought or the spot she was reading and kept saying, "It's Saturday morning."


I'm sure you all care so much.

Accidental - but still bad - Plugger sighting.

Okay, for a various number of reasons (laziness dressed up as "sleepiness"), I elected to not read my book, get online, or stick with the familiar (HGTV). It's a not a show I particularly like or hate, it's just blah. But after the Plugger sighting, it's my friend.

I'm referring to CMT and Craig Morgan's song "International Harvester." I came across it halfway through, or something, and saw that the band was singing in front of the Orpheum. "Hey!" said my sleepy, hungry brain. "There's an Orpheum in Memphis. Maybe we'll see more Memphis landmarks. Hi, Memphis!"

I don't think it was Memphis.

I can't (and don't really want) find a copy of this video at youtube that I can embed in my innocent blog. So I won't!

Here's a link!

And some of the most Pluggerific lyrics:



I’m the son of a 3rd generation farmer
I’ve been married 10 years to the farmer’s daughter
I’m a God fearin’ hard workin’ combine driver
Hoggin’ up the road on my p-p-p-p-plower
Chug a lug a luggin’ 5 miles an hour
On my International Harvester

Three miles of cars layin’ on their horns
Fallin’ on deaf ears of corn
Lined up behind me like a big parade
Of late to work road raged jerks
Shoutin’ obscene words flippin’ me the bird

Well you may be on a state paved road
But that blacktop runs through my payload
Excuse me for tryin’ to do my job
But this year ain’t been no bumper crop
If you don’t like the way I’m a drivin’
Get back on the interstate
Otherwise sit tight and be nice
And quit yer honkin’ at me that way

Cause I’m a son of a 3rd generation farmer
I’ve been married 10 years to a farmer’s daughter
I got 2 boys in the county 4-H
I’m a lifetime sponsor of the F.F.A.
Hay! That’s what I make
I make a lotta hay for a little pay
But I’m proud to say
I’m a God fearin’ hard workin’ combine driver
Hoggin’ up the road on my a p-p-p-plower
Chug a lug a lugin’ 5 miles an hour
On my International Harvester

Well I know you got your own deadlines
But cussin’ me ain’t savin’ no time hoss
This big-wheeled wide load ain’t goin’ any faster
So just smile and wave and tip your hat
To the man up on the tractor


Cause I’m a son of a 3rd generation farmer
I’ve been married 10 years to a farmer’s daughter
I got two boys in the county 4-H
I’m a lifetime sponsor of the F.F.A.
Hay! That’s what I make
I make a lot of hay for a little pay
But I’m proud to say
I’m a God fearin’ hard workin’ combine driver
Hoggin’ up the road on my p-p-p-plower
Chug a lug a lugin’ 5 miles an hour
On my International Harvester

I’m a God fearin’ hard workin’ combine driver
Hoggin’ up the road on my p-p-p-plower
Chug a lug a lugin’ 5 miles an hour
On my International Harvester

Okay, it's the whole song.

I know videos rarely reflect the song the whole time, but the parts where he's with his band, singing, are just so far removed from the lyrics.

They're in a city (I don't care if it's Nashville, it's a CITY with A THEATER), in the streets, on formal-looking rugs. With tassels and such.

They couldn't have filmed it at a farm or in a cornfield?

Of course, the guy (if he wrote the song) escaped the farm life and is a singer now.

So it's even more annoying. I mean, I don't mind singers singing about other professions in the first person, it gives the fans something to relate to. But when it comes to this song, it just makes him look like a poser of the worst kind. A Plugger.

What sent my remote flying was what came up next - Toby Keith.

Well, I saw him, it could have been a Dixie Chicks song for all I know, but I was gone, and back in sweet, sweet Bollywood's embrace.

Wow, it's February.

I have a rough draft due Monday at 9:10am, and I have the outline and questioned answered from the workshop today. (Everything important I'd already covered in my outline - which sucks, but it's mine and I know what I'm doing.)

But no, I'm going to read for thirty minutes, and watch the new episode of Psych. (Las Vegas and Psych are on at the same time.)

Then sleep.

I am wiped out.

Last week didn't go as well as I thought it would, despite the auspicious start. (Can't go wrong with RhinoMan!)

Tuesday, we had some ferocious wind and 2 trees got knocked over on campus and my dorm lost power, except for the generator, so everything in the surge protector (my fridge and clock) still worked, and the lights flickered.

The temperature dropped after that. Thursday, I started coughing in my last class, and ended the day exhausted. I ended up turning in my English paper as I'd written it Monday night Friday morning, then dragging myself to the campus clinic.

They didn't have their lab... people or things, but hey, I had a real fever! (My normal is 97 and change, and it was 100 and change. ::nods::)

And the flu. The Tamiflu worked, I was functioning on Monday.

I threw up 3 times that day, and nobody cleaned it up or took care of me. :( (Becky didn't want me home, I'd get everyone sick, wah wah.)

Saturday was a sleepy non-barfing blur, broken up by my mom bringing goodies. These throat lozenges worked wonders, I could talk like that! Wow! Super Bowl Sunday, I felt a bit better, but still dragged around, which did not help when I did my laundry.

This week? Not so bad. But not perfect.

Monday and Tuesday were unbelievably hot. At least inside the classrooms. And dorms. And... everything with walls. The wind was nice, at least. Monday morning, I was going to wear tennis shoes and long pants, but no, too hot. Flipflops and shorts and a tank top. And no jacket. Somebody made a catty comment along the lines of "it's not that hot," but hey, my last class was a sauna.

And I wasn't only the one who thought so - I turned off my fan and oh no, why'd you do that? Bit of fun.

Monday afternoon, the fire alarm went off. Tuesday, the campus shut down. I went to a doctor appointment. It rained. We left. It rained and our stomachs beat the sirens and thunder in noise. We ate a terrible place, Danver's, but we ate inside the place, no moving vehicles. We went to Walgreen's. We drove up to the dorm from the East, and there were lights on.

Me: We have power!

We turned into the visitor lot (too cheap/lazy to get a parking tag and the general lots are too far away) and saw the other light. The blinking light. And heard the alarm. And saw the people.

Me: Keep driving!

The fire alarm went off. So everyone had to leave the building, so they wouldn't be consumed in an inferno.

But because the university didn't want to lose them to Oz U (I had yet to leave the vehicle - it was dry), everyone was moved to another building.

The cops showed up. The firetrucks showed up.

It took a lot longer than usual for people to be allowed back in the building. I waited it out in the car.

It was an odd night. I kept my window open, I heard the sirens, but none were directly overhead. We were told to go to the basement, or first 3 floor hallways. However, it was a suggestion, so I merely stuck my head out before returning to the window.

I watched the Daily Show and Colbert Report and went to sleep. No problems, except for a few minutes beeped out by the news that there was severe weather in the area.


So yeah.

Excuses, excuses.

But no promises, except one - I will not skip a single comic.

I will start again with Tuesday, January 29th.

Hopefully before January '09.

That is all, Psych is on soon, and Monk is on now and he's awesome.

Especially when compared to a Plugger.

Sunday the 30th

The comic:



No countdown.

I've been spending the break reading the Foobiverse's LiveJournal, mostly because I'm quite weird. Anyways, the Sunday strips are not connected to the Monday-Saturday strips, since some papers don't carry the Sunday one, or don't carry the rest of the week. Also, they're colored in the studio.

Could explain why the countdown avoided Sunday. So those poor paper readers (who don't get the weeklies, or don't get Sunday) won't miss any part of the countdown. Can you imagine the torture? What was number one? Oh noes!!!!!11!111!one!!!

Yeah.

Right.

When Pluggers stops sucking the suck out of suck. (Not dirty, just terrible.)

Oh - the comic -

I know about the Sundays, but sheesh, we had Christmas comics on Christmas and Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve Eve!

Why not today?

So yeah, Pluggers don't go to parties to ring in the new year.

I think it's because they're old, not antisocial. Remember, they can't see the comic all week unless it's in the paper, so 11 is late.

Still - this is so lame. Last Sunday was cute, this was just another rehashing of "*yawn*, midnight is laaaaaaaaaaaaaaate." The only potential for cute is when it's a kid begging to stay up and falling asleep early.

That drawing is terrifying. Luckily Pluggers reproduce by spores, because he'd crush her. (You know they're missionary.)

And the chairs!

That bear scares me, seriously.

Number 80!

Don't know how many I've looked at, how they've rotted my brain and probably jeopardized my scholarship almost 2 months before school even starts because of laziness and only 2 genuine reasons to be late.

Today is a copy of one from last week, which is just bizarre. (And not in a good way.)

I mean, this is just extremely, bizarrely lazy. I know the ideas are repeated a thousand times over, there can't be more than 10 real readers of this comic besides us snarks and jabberwocks.




Don't get me wrong, I use the library on a regular basis because books are expensive most of the time - unless they're secondhand, and there are no bookstores in my town besides the Christian one. (It used to be an awesome bike shop.) There are sections in Wal-Mart and Kroger, and the one antique store has some. There used to be a great, small, crowded bookstore, it's gone now.

So - the library is the only place within comfortable summer biking or walking distance to get free or cheap (discarded) books.

I have a normal school book bag that I used to use on our monthly trips to the big main one in downtown Memphis, but it's a hassle on a bike. I have a bag that doesn't zip or have secure interior pockets, so it's just used for books.

However, there's not much there I like except for the occasional hardback that catches my eye. I normally order books from the other 3 libraries that left the main system, and you can only order 2 from another library at a time.

So it's not big volume - they normally fit in my purse (on the small but deep side) or securely in the basket.

However, I always have 2 bags in my purse - Target ones right now - in case it starts raining.

And before I rode all the time, I'd ask my mom to drop them off on her way to... wherever.

Normally, the 20ish books (we're now allowed 10 because they're too cheap to keep security measures in place, and people were stealing because they could legally check out 25 books at a time, not because they could walk in and walk out with a book without ever stopping at the desk) would go in a bag, usually 2 plastic ones that were thrown out or used to gather trash from the car doors.

So, yes, I can relate with the "woman" in the picture.

But it still bugs me - this is the same thing from less than a week ago! Jesus Christ on a pogo stick! I know it's hot and your brain is hibernating, but come on.

As for today's comic, I'm not calling the sender cheap or broke - it's a common, convenient thing, and makes me feel better because there's no recycling in our town, so I'm reusing the bags. I do it all the damn time, it's just smart. 2 bags can protect your backpack from wet clothes, protect your medicine from the abyss of your backpack, and on and on.

2 problems with the comic - not just men bowl, and not just women read. Also, that looks like a small bag in proportion to the size and number of the books. That's stupid, that bag will break. These things are everywhere, and you can't take the time to double bag those twenty plus dollar books?

If you're using one bag for that many books, and the bag breaks and the books get ruined, you deserve it. I mean, I didn't even use one bag when I'd toss them in the car for a quick drop off. And the ones I keep around for rain? Put the purse and books in one bag, tie it, then put that bag in the other with the tied end at the opposite side - better protection.

The message here is not odd, treasonous, stupid, or, sadly, cannibalistic. (If it had said the bag held eggs...)

The execution is sloppy and the timing sucks majorly. He couldn't have shelved this for a few months?

That poster of the dog reading is creepy, yay! I mean, look at those eyes.

Big Brother is watching!

And I've never been to a checkout at any library (and I've been to a lot, not just the ones here) that has the word LIBRARY written above it on nothing.

Plus, bookshelves are never that close to the checkout desk, at least not where patrons can get them - maybe discard shelves, but those don't look like discard shelves. The counter is for checking in, checking out, signing up for computer time, and getting library cards. It's a lot bigger than that, at every library!

So these pluggers, obviously, do not read or visit library.

Case closed.

Unless...

Unless...

This was sent in by a man, about a woman he knows who always comes home from the library with Kroger bags and comes home from Kroger with groceries in a canvas bag with books on it.

This man doesn't read, so he doesn't understand anything, except the astonishing cheapness of this female - the books are free, you can't spring for a decent bag?

Or Brookins has never seen the inside of a library.

That's probably it.

Sorry for rambling. I love libraries, I love books, but I also hate being like a Plugger.

But many people are - doesn't everyone save grocery bags, as long as they're not in terrible condition?

This is much more plausible than a f!cking bowling ball in a cheap disposable bag.

On a happier note, I'm glad to see this female Plugger reading, remember the time she entered Rhinoman's whirlpool of despair? She's obviously coping better with the suckiness of her life. The fact that she reads points to someone who was an honor student in high school or college, on her way to a succesful career in whatever she wanted to do, but something got in the way.

Good for her.

I actually like this one just like the one from the 30th (though that one does piss me off a bit more - it's still true and applies to me and my family) - it doesn't fill me with rage or confusion. I think I'm going soft. It is 4am and I got less than 6 hours of sleep, so maybe I'm in a better mood?

I hope Friday's will piss me off so much I consider abandoning the blog for a few days.

I don't think I'll be disappointed.

See ya in the funny pages.